Passing the Torch on Mother's Day
Original custom artwork by Megan Allard, for my moms 80th birthday - L-R Brooke, Lala, Kelly, Iris
Mother’s Day is here. The stores are full of flowers, cards, and fancy gifts. For many families, it is a big day of celebration. But for some mothers, especially those whose children are grown, the day feels different now.
If you are a grandmother like me, you might feel that the day should be for younger mothers. The ones with small children at home. The ones who are still in the middle of diapers, school runs, and bedtime stories. They are the ones who truly need a break.
My own children are grown
I do not need a big show of appreciation. A simple text or a quick phone call is plenty. I do not want more things; at my age, I have enough stuff. Most of us would rather have a simple experience, like meeting for coffee, sharing a dinner out, or going to a movie or a play together. That feels special without adding clutter to the house.
There is another problem with Mother's Day
Many people get upset when their partner does not read their mind. They wait for the perfect gift that never comes. They get angry if their partner has to work or travel on the actual day. This does not help anyone.
My late husband was a long haul trucker when he was not running heavy equipment on pipelines, he missed many holidays. We simply celebrated on a different day. It did not matter what the calendar said, the love was the same. If he could not be there at all, I would buy myself a gift and then call him and tell him what a great husband he was.
I got what I wanted, he did not have to feel guilty; it was a win-win.
Mother’s Day should never be a guilt trip. It should not be about scoring points.
Why I'd Rather Sit This Out
When people say they want to "honour" you, it often comes with a hidden job. You have to dress up, you have to be there and act grateful all day long. That starts to feel like an obligation, not a treat.
Honestly, the best Mother’s Day were ones where I got to do nothing at all. My husband would take the kids to his parents’ house for a few hours. Sometimes I did not want to see anyone. I just wanted a quiet house. I wanted to sit down and have a whole day where nothing was expected of me. Everything else was already taken care of.
Ordering in food on Mother’s Day never impressed me either. I can pick up the phone and order food any day of the year. As for going out for supper - Mother’s Day is literally the busiest day of the year for restaurants, everything is rushed and loud.
So here is my wish for all families this year
Do not stress over the perfect gift. Do not guess what someone wants or worse, what you think they need. Just ask them.
(Yes, I have asked for things I needed when money was tight but when things were better, I shifted to my wants.)
If the mother in your life is an older grandmother, remember this. She likely does not want more stuff. She probably just wants a quiet Sunday. A short phone call. A cup of coffee with you next week. And the freedom to enjoy the day her own way.
That can be the best gift of all.
Father's Day is coming up next month.
It is possible that the men may feel the same way. Here is the bottom line for everyone. Tell your partner and your children exactly what you want. Do not make them guess.
A final note:
This article shares one grandmother's perspective on passing the torch. But Mother's Day is big enough for everyone. So here is a sincere Happy Mother's Day to all moms. To the young moms in the trenches. To the grandmothers watching from the sidelines. To the bonus moms (stepmoms) who chose to love. To the pet moms who give their heart to a furry friend. To moms by adoption. To moms who have lost a child and are not sure they still count. To foster moms. To moms who never gave birth but raised a child anyway. To the woman who stepped in for a bad mom or no mom. To the aunt, the sister, the neighbour, the friend who mothers someone without the title. To anyone who gives love, guidance, or safety to another person.
And a special shout out to the men who help their children honour their mother, even if she is an ex-wife. Whether it is a small gift or just taking the kids to pick something out themselves, that act shows the next generation how to treat the women in their lives. It is not about the ex. It is about the mother of their children. Any man who can set aside past differences and do that deserves a lot of credit.
May you all feel seen, loved, and exactly right where you are.
